Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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