and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
