I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
