When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
