she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
