Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
