this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
