After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
