My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
