I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
