I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
