Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
