Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
