I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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