How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
