you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
