Your mouth is God's brothel.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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