So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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