That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
