I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
