Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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