Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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