i love accidental penises.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
