so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
