so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
