i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
