By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
