if only i could text you this smell
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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