swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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