A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
