Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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