i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I puked a lego.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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