She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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