dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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