I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
