he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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