I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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