i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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