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the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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