Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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