Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
