Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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