I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
