I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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