Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
