$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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