I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
