Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
