even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
