my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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