Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What a dumb baby whore.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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