a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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