I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
