I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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