I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
